All I've Got

Already posted this on Facebook, but not everyone in this world lives in Facebook land.
I'm drowning myself in music and it feels so good.
Here's some of my latest and greatest finds:

Bon Iver - Blindsided, Skinny Love
The XX - Crystalised
Band of Horses - No one's gonna love you
The National - Start a war
The Troggs - A Girl like you (I actually like the cover version made by Yo La Tengo better)
Yo La Tengo - Our way to fall in love
Eagle Seagull - Death Could Be at the Door
William Fitzsimmons - Everything has Changed...and any other song that man writes
Brooke Fraser - Love is Waiting, Albertine
A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover, Hope for the Hopeless
Alexi Murdoch - Song For You, All Of my Days

and for a little kick, anything by DJ Tiesto!

As if work and school weren't enough, the littlest one has come down with a nasty case of croup. She hasn't slept in 2 days and coughs like a barking seal. This is going on the third night - her fever came back and now she's choking on all the congestion in her chest.
Poor baby. I don't know what to do.
I have her on Robitussin, Tylenol, and Prednisolone (a steroid used to open up her airways).
So far I haven't seen much of an improvement.
This may prove to be a long night, folks.

a retard.
Although, I can't really be at fault for that. Who blames a retard for anything?
So I've decided to make my life miserable and overwhelm myself yet again by jumping into server training at work.
I've been a waitress before. I know the schtick.
But does my manager know that?
Rewind to this afternoon.
I knew it was an ominous sign that the weather was cloudy, windy, and it actually sprinkled.
(I know. Gasp! This is southern California, land of perpetual and eternal sunshine. It doesn't sprinkle here! What gives?)
I'm stationed out on the patio - a hot commodity for the dinner crowd. People wait for an hour and a half on weekends just to get a chance to eat at Casa de Bandini, and even longer if they want the patio.
Sorry.
Back to the story...
.dniweR
Tony Hawk comes in with his wife and baby girl. No big deal 'cause he comes in often.
He sits on the patio - where he always sits.
(Why does he always sit there?)
We get him situated, drinks out, food ordered, all is well and happy in the world.
And then his wife asks me for a coat.
"A coke?" I clarified.
"A co.." she mumbled and pointed to her left.
I looked over and saw that Tony was rubbing his daughters bare legs.
"Oh, a coat?" I clarified again.
She nodded yes.
Fine.
Get the woman a coat.
It's windy and her baby is cold.
It's southern California.
Nobody knows what to do when water begins to leak from the sky.
Cars start braking like it was a downpout from a tropical storm.
I would know because last year working at the CRC i had to drive home in tropical storm weather.
People brake.
Often.
Damn the rain, we'll sit outside anyway, is the kind of attitude some people have.
So she's cold.
Don't ask questions.
Just get the woman a coat.
A coat.
Where to get a...coat.
Manager.
Aha.
I've seen you with a reboso before. (Spanish word for this warm scarf like piece of warm fabric.)Manager wants to keep woman happy because woman is married to rich man.
He scrambles to find one he's hidden away in the shed, (it's a Mexican restaurant, of course they have a shed), and insists on handing it to her himself
at which point she looks up at him and says, "I wanted a coke."
Really.
The coke I asked you if you wanted?
Twice??
Needless to say I looked ridiculous to my manager.
What a great impression to make.
Look, I wanted to say to him but didn't get an opportunity to explain, I'm not in the habit of handing out blankets and coats to random tables.
Besides - we don't even carry coke.
We carry Pepsi.
I don't give someone ice when they ask for rice or give them a lime when they ask for the time.
Although if i did any of those things, in my defense, those mariachis sing pretty damn loud and it's not uncommon to have to read lips and yell over them.
Not that the mariachis were playing at the time of the incident I just described.
But that is beside the point.
The point is,
the point is...
it's late.
And I'm tired.
My eyes hurt.
I have two essays due tomorrow and I have completed 0% of them.
I am tired.

ps - i am not going to proof read this email for grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, or correct any stray points I may have intended to make but got off track from. You will have to make your own inferences if I began to ramble. I absolve myself, as I do with most things.

This morning I let David wake up to get the kids ready for school and drop them off. I laid there, pretending to be asleep, for about an hour. It was glorious. And then he came home and asked me if I would do Pilates with him. In the spirit of good sportsmanship, and in an effort to support his newly obsessive exercise routine he has created to begin training for a marathon next year, I dragged myself out of bed, crawled down the stairs and laid on my yoga mat while he set up the video. I was hoping my disheveled just-got-dragged-out-of-bed-by-my-husband look would inspire some sympathy and prompt him to suggest I return to bed. He smiled at me and pushed "Play". 30 minutes of intense abdominal training is exactly the kind of wake up I look forward to on a Monday morning. What a sweetheart.

Dear Note, thanks for the heads up on the plants. I did as you instructed and planted them in the terra cotta bowl out front. I think they'll be happy there in the sun. Good call.
In the meantime, I've ducktaped my checkcard to prevent any further unauthorized purchases without my prior approval...although not before you went out and bought 2 packets containing seeds for carrots and green beans. I'm not sure where you planned on growing them, seeing as the dirt around here is as hard as baked clay and not conducive to vegetable gardening.
My instinct tells me you had somehow delusionally planned to grow them in raised beds. How you planned on achieving this is beyond me as I have just told you I drastically cut my hours at work, to which you replied, "How wonderful." My impression is that you were sincere. If so, I would greatly appreciate your cooperation by not sabotaging any efforts on my part to save money.

There's no need to remind me of your joy for playing in the dirt. Need I remind you I share your enthusiasm for plants? For the record, I'm not traumatized by the horrific death of my zuchinis, pumpkin, cucumber, corn, or greenbeans. I'm just reluctant to invest the time and money into another garden until I have the adequate resources to provide for it (time and money-wise). Sharing your vision of a winter garden was thoughtful, but highly ambitious and impractical. You'll have to forgive me if I don't jump on board. I've barely begun my time at home and already you're planning away my days. What gives?

Dear Self, how wonderful that you have decided to cut back on work to spend more time at home. I know, I know. You're stressed about money. Who, in this world, isn't stressing about something? Might as well be stressed and enjoy your children and husband than to be working all the time and never having time for them or your homework, right?
I'm glad you think so. In the meantime, I've got a little project that's been turning 'round and 'round in my head and I've been anxiously awaiting to share with you...I want you to plant a winter garden! The thought hit me quite randomly the other day as I was pouting about the fact that I don't get to play in the dirt anymore. So today, in honor of being broke and while you weren't paying attention, I bought a small cherry tomato plant and a strawberry plant.
You're going to plant them in the terra cotta container out front that used to house the basil that you so unecessarily let die. (Remember, the basil you stopped watering for no reason right after the damn plants started to grow - something you had complained they weren't doing all summer - remember that?)
Don't give me that crap about being traumatized by your expereince with the zuccini's.
That was exactly 14 months and 5 days ago. I'm over it and you're over it too. You just don't know it yet. Just because your garden was unexplainably devastated by a mysterious disease does not mean you should never attempt to garden again. I see you're half hearted attempts. You planted jasmine and sweetbroom. Those were two very successful choices and I'm happy that you're happy about that. But please, can we go back to the basics? There is something so very satisfying about the idea of a productive garden giving back to the family. Besides, I miss playing in the dirt.
Here. i found this list on Suite101.com. (just in case you wanted some reference on what to plant:)

A list of wonderful winter / cool season vegetables
Snap peas and snow peas -Frost-hardy peas may be planted whenever the soil temperature is at least 45°F or plant heat-tolerant varieties in midsummer to late summer for a fall crop. Plant peas at least 1 to 1-1/2 inches deep and one inch apart. Approximately 60 days to harvest.

Cole crops: broccoli, cabbage, collards (frost hardy- can tolerate more cold weather in the late fall than other cole crops - 60-75 days to harvest), cauliflower, brussels sprouts, bok choy...

Carrots - Hardy, cool season biennial. Plant about 1/2 deep (no more than two or three seeds per inch). Takes 2 weeks to germinate and approximately 60+ days to mature.

Parsnips - Plant seeds 1/2 to 3/4 " deep. They are slow germinating. You can keep them in the ground over winter and harvest in spring for what most consider to be the best flavor!

Beets - Fairly frost hardy. Thin seedlings to 1-3 inches apart. Start successive plantings at 3 to 4 week intervals until midsummer. Takes approximately 60 days to maturity.

Onions - Winter onions are planted from sets formed at the tops of the plant in place of flowers. You must get a winter variety such as walking onion/Egyptian onion, and these are perennials so give them a permanent home. In August, plant the sets 1 inch deep. Space sets 4 inches apart.

Lettuce - Can be planted early spring or late summer. You may want to start lettuce seedlings in the shade and transplant when temperatures cool. Plant 1/2 inch deep, 12 inches apart.

Mesclun - A mixture of young, leafy greens including lettuce.

Spinach - Seed spinach in late summer for fall and winter harvest. Chill your spinach seeds in the refrigerator for 1-2 weeks before planting.

Rutabagas/Turnips - A rutabaga is a cross between a cabbage and turnip. Turnips grow wild in Siberia. Turnips mature in two months and may be planted either in the spring, late summer or fall. You can eat the roots or leaves. Rutabagas mature in 3 months.

Chard - Plant seeds 1/2 to 3/4 inches deepRead more: http://vegetablegardens.suite101.com/article.cfm/plant_a_fall_and_winter_garden#ixzz0RFJYzbOp



I do so miss playing in the dirt. It'll be therapuetic. C'mon!
I'll check back with you in a week and see what you have to say.

these days are filled with
living
that flows between
the nonexistent points
of good or bad

this movement is continuous,
constant in its certainty
deliberate
in its spontaneity
and fixed for no one

the illusion
is that we are
what we feel
we are
instead of what lies
beneath the ebb and flow
of this fluid dream
of"me"