All I've Got

Everyone has them, nobody wants them, and often times you'll remember them with either a sigh or a grin. But I've learned that there's always another worse one out there - just be glad these weren't your bad days...

"Curiosity Drowned the Human"
It's something I'd yell at my child for, shake them by the collar and say in a barely contained voice, "What were you thinking?" I know that curious hands do curious things, and often times there's no other explanation for strange accidents. But there comes a point when a mature adult is old enough to know better than to let curiosity get the better of them...and stick a wire hanger into an electrical sprinkler system that is wired throughout the condominium building, triggering the alarm, and causing massive flooding the type of which the fire department has never seen. This is the only time you would curse your highly efficient sprinkler system. I'd hope that my husband would die of embarrassment so I wouldn't have to kill him myself. Let him explain this to the insurance company (which he did with appropriate embarrassment)


"Let's Try That Again"
Do you ever have those moments when you're quietly laying in bed, and imagine what the day might have in store? Let's just say sometimes it's a good thing we don't have intuition.
When the neighborhood dogs decide to have a dog fight directly on top of the hood of your car, then in their riled state of canine infused testosterone mania begin to chew off your grill, it gives one enough pause to think that maybe today is gonna be "one of those days." After helplessly watching your vehicle's paint job suffer beneath paws and claws, and leaving your grill in the driveway, you bravely face the day - only to finish grocery shopping and coming out to find your car's rear bumper smashed in by a hit and run. This is when you deserve a kit-kat. In other words, we'll give you a break and a good healthy dose of sympathy on the side.


"He's in - WHAT?!"
There are crazies out there, we've all heard the stories. And for some reason, crazies like call centers. State Farm's longest and most loyal caller, is in fact, not a customer at all. He's a regular guy, a genuine gentleman, until he catches you off guard by asking you, "So, what does customer service mean to you?" Whether you actually get the opportunity to answer depends on how he's feeling that day. Launching into a profanity laden tirade of lawsuits involving State Farm, this loyal caller has not only earned himself State Farm fame, he has also earned himself a name and his very own procedure. "The Rockford Caller" has been calling State Farm every Sunday, through a claims service office located in Rockford, IL, for eight years. If, by chance, you are the lucky winner and recieve his call, just pull up your handy dandy "Rockford Caller" word track, read it to him, explaining that the claims service office number is to be used for claim related issues only, tell him if he has any questions to contact his State Farm agent (as if he had one), and then disconnect the call.
My favorite, absolutely favorite part of this story, is the part where I tell you that State Farm had finally decided they were going to start tracking the calls to find out where they were coming from, in the hopes of stopping them. Imagine the response of State Farm employees (especially those in IL) when we learned he was calling from JAIL!

This raises a host of question. Basic ones, like "What the heck is he in jail for and how much longer?" and "They give you one call a week and you're calling...me?" This goes beyond having a bad day. This guy must be having, like, a bad life.



I can't leave without reminding you there are important lessons to every story. Today those lessons are:

1. "No wire hangers!" may be a good thing.

2. Sometimes the urge to never roll out of bed can be right on.

The last, and potentially life saving lesson?

3. Caller ID, people. Caller ID.